For the Love of Thyroid Surgery

Be prepared, this one is a little long.  I was going through my Timehop app today, and this showed up:

It brought me back to the beginning of a crazy journey that started over 3 years ago.

I have always had trouble with my thyroid as long as I can remember.  I had blood tests done throughout the years, but the results were always normal.  After some in-depth testing, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's, an autoimmune disease where basically my body attacks my thyroid.  It's just rude really.

Finally about 4 years ago, I had noticed that the lump in my throat seemed worse, and my voice was fatiguing and almost painful at the end of choir practice.  I was involved in the city chorale and our church choir at the time, so at first I thought I was doing too much, so I backed down.  Even still, my voice would get hoarse just from reading my daughter a short story book, so I decided to see the doctor again.  They sent me to get an ultrasound, which I truly believe could be considered a form of torture.  I already feel like I have a lump in my throat, so now I get to have someone press something up against my neck (not so gently I might add) until I felt like I couldn't breathe.  It was probably only about 15 minutes, but it felt like hours!

I was referred to an ENT to discuss what to do next.  I had assumed that I would be seeing an endocrinologist, so I was pretty surprised to see that ENTs treat thyroids as well.  In hindsight, the thryoid is located in the throat (T of ENT), so there you have it.When I got to his office, he let me know that they found a multi-nodular goiter on the right side of my thyroid (I mean seriously?) and a nodule that was borderline worrisome in size, but the real concern was that it had blood flow to it, which can be an indicator of cancer.  My doctor felt strongly that it wasn't, but they would do a biopsy when they removed the nodule along with the left side of my thyroid.  He said they would do the biopsy when I was still in surgery, and if it came back as cancerous they would go ahead and take the right side of my thyroid as well.

Fast forward to the day of surgery, I am unusually calm considering the fact that I am heading back to me 2nd surgery ever.  My family and pastor was there to pray with me beforehand, and then I went back.  I was asleep the whole time, so it went well for me!  I just remember being in recovery and asking if they just took half of the thyroid, and the answer was yes. :)  Apparently my poor husband didn't have the same relaxing experience.  My surgery that was supposed to take 45 minutes ended up taking over and hour and a half, due to the thryoid being so inflamed and bled quite a bit, plus the nodule was attached the vocal nerve.  Poor guy was outside sweating it thinking that they had to take the whole thyroid because the nodule was cancerous.  Thankfully that wasn't the case.  So we went home later that day, and recovery went well starting off.

I had adjusted to scarves being my new fall fashion to cover up my incision site, but the thing I couldn't get used to was my voice was not right and my swallowing was a bit off (I would choke very easily).  I talked in a higher octave, and it was very breathy and raspy.  I would get winded just saying a few sentences and forget trying to talk to people in a crowd because I couldn't be heard.  It was very isolating, and I started to avoid group situations due to it.  I also worried about being out and about with my kids or even by myself because I couldn't yell or scream if there was a dangerous situation.  These were all my initial concerns, so I went to the doctor again.  After 9 months of dealing with it, a couple of doctor appointments and two speech therapy evaluations, I found out that my left vocal chord had been completely paralyzed in the surgery, probably due to the removal of the nodule that was adhered to the nerve.

I'd had the surgery just a few weeks before our 10th wedding anniversary.
Luckily I have an amazing friend who loaned me a gorgeous scarf to wear out to a nice dinner that night. :)

I was devastated.  While I knew that it was silly because otherwise I was healthy, but one thing occurred to me...I would probably never sing again.  Even with my voice slightly improving, it wasn't the same, and I would burst into coughing fits from strain. As I went to the speech therapist, she told me that likely I would always be paralyzed on the left side, which I still am, but she and the ENT were quite impressed that I had the vocal quality that I did have.  They were shocked in fact.  I told them that I was a singer (not professional by any means, but I have sang since I was little), and if possible, I would like to be able to do that still.  The speech therapist said I will never have the same range I did before, she thought with as well as I was doing now, that singing could definitely be in the future.  That was all I needed.  I worked towards singing again.

I made the mistake of getting back to singing at church a little too soon.  The will was there, but the ability not quite.  I sang a solo at the Christmas Eve surgery about a year and half after the surgery, and it was horrible.  I panicked on stage, had a slight anxiety attack, yet sang through it all (poor people in the congregation).  While it may not have been as bad as I thought, it was enough to scare me away from the thought of singing in front of others again...until about a year after that.  My vocal quality and confidence had continued to grow, and I had this crazy nudge to sing at church again.  Auditions for our praise band opened up, and I signed up.  I almost felt like God was saying, "I gave you this gift to sing, even through circumstances that should have taken it away.  You better use it!"  I auditioned, and...I have been singing with our praise band ever since.  I was so nervous but so glad I did it.  I went through some very low times thinking that I had lost this ability, so I definitely don't take it for granted now.  It's not perfect, and my voice wobbles from time to time, but I am proud of what I do have because now more than ever I realize that it is a gift.  When the doctors and therapists are shocked, I consider that a God thing. ;)

This was all confirmed again when I was reading, For the Love, this past year.  In her chapter, Run Your Race, Jen writes, "I don't like it when people minimize their gifts.  There is a difference between humility and insecurity, and self-effacement does no one any favors.  We teach our watching children to doubt and excuse and diminish themselves.  Do we want our kids to reflect on their mothers and have absolutely no idea what we loved?  What we were good at?"  My answer to this is a resounding "NO!"  I was so falling into the insecurity section both before and after my surgery.  Now I say use what you Father gave you!  Break all the rules, believe in miracles, and believe in yourself. :)

For the Love of Book Launches!! (And giveaways!)

Hello and welcome to this stop along Jen Hatmaker's "For the Love" blog tour!  I am so excited that you are here, and I welcome you with open arms.  Please pull up a comfy chair, grab a cup of coffee, tea, wine, or whatever your choice is, and enjoy the read. :)

My journey with Jen started a few years ago when I did the 7 study with my Sunday School class.  I was hooked from that point!  From there I have read Jen's personal journey with the 7 experiment, Interrupted, and Out the the Spin Cycle devotional.  When I saw a post from Jen's Facebook page this spring with a sign up to be a part of the launch group for her new book "For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards," I thought, "why not?"  It stated that she was only taking 500 people, so I put down my coffee mug (which shows how serious I was) and  signed up immediately with hopes that I would make it, but not really expecting to.  Finding out later that 5,000 people had signed up to be a part of this launch, my expectations diminished further, but hope still held on, check my email neurotically, 5 times an hour.  Spring break rolled around,  and we left for our regular skiing trip in New Mexico where there is NO SIGNAL, I repeat, NO SIGNAL.  Apparently the whole town runs on one server, which didn't help my situation.  I would try and check my email during non-peak times to see if that email had come through yet.  As we were nearing the end of our vacation, I was checking my email one last time for the day, and there it was...

They may have heard my squeal all the way back to Texas.  I was in disbelief!!  I immediately downloaded our proof version, ran back to the bedroom for the peace and quiet, and began to read!  Thus began a life changing experience for me.  Not only did this book and Jen's oh-so-wise words make a difference in my heart, mind, and soul, but belonging to a launch team who laughed together, cried together, and prayed together.  What started as a Facebook group where we could discuss the book and the effect it has had on our lives, turned into a tribe of women (and a #bandoffour men) encouraging each other through this craziness we call life.  I am forever grateful and forever changed.

You guys this book!  This book is for everyone!  Yes it is marketed towards women, but the #bandoffour men on our launch team enjoyed it as well.  Jen's writes so beautifully and intimately that you feel like you are having a conversation with her.  You will feel like one of her close friends after the reading of this book (I still believe this is true. ) ;)  Jen hits everything in this book about showing and extending God's grace for everyone.  

She starts with having grace for ourselves.  I think that is the hardest.  It is so much easier to have grace for others while we sit and beat up ourselves constantly.  She will make you laugh, make your cry, and make you challenge your unrealistic expectations that you have for yourself in the very first chapters.  Here are some gems from this section.

Chapter 1: Worst Beam Ever (Image credit Crystal Santos)

Chapter 2: On Turning Forty (Image credit Leslie Carlton)

Chapter 3: On Calling and Haitian Moms (Image credit Carlee Ann Easton)

Chapter 4: Fashion Concerns (Image credit Carlee Ann Easton)

Chapter 5: Run Your Race (Image credit Carlee Ann Easton)

Chapter 6: Not Buying (Image credit Leslie Carlton)

Chapter 7: Tell the Truth (Image credit Krista Wilbur)

Chapter 8: Thank you Notes (Part 1) (Image credit Carlee Ann Easton)

The second section of the book is titled, "All These People Who Live in Your House."  Probably the second hardest people to have grace for because you live and deal with them.....ALL.THE.TIME.  #bless

Chapter 9: Hope for Spicy Families (Image credit Bethany Beams)

Chapter 10: Surviving School (Image credit Bethany Beams)

Chapter 11: Dear Kids (Image credit Jen Hatmaker)

Chapter 12:Marriage: Have Fun and Stuff (Image credit Leslie Carlton)

Chapter 13: Jesus Kids (Image Credit Leslie Carlton)

Chapter 14: Thank-You Notes (Part 2) (Image credit Leslie Carlton)

The third section of For the Love covers those around us.  Those we know, and those we don't.  Those we like, and those we don't.  You also get some bonus tasty recipes for starting a supper club!  (You may notice that there is no quote from chapter 19 - that is the chapter that holds all the delicious recipes!)

Chapter 15: Supper Club (Image credit Leslie Carlton)

Chapter 16: Porches as Altars (Image credit Leslie Carlton)

Chapter 17: Quirky (Image credit Bridgette Cook)

Chapter 18: Difficult People (Image credit Krista Wilbur)

Chapter 20: Thank-You Notes (Part 3) (Image credit Leslie Carlton)

In the 4th and final section of the book, Jen writes about the grace in the church.  This includes, church leaders, congregations, and the people we serve.

Chapter 19: Poverty Tourism (Image credit Carlee Ann Easton)

Chapter 22: Dear Church... (Image credit Kelly Richards Smith)

Chapter 23: If Social Media Were Around (Image credit Leslie Carlton)

Chapter 24: Thank-You Notes (Part 4) (Image credit Leslie Carlton)

Chapter 25: Dear Christians, Please Stop Being Crappy 

Chapter 26: On Women

I hope these little glimpses into each chapter give you a small idea of the awesomeness that is this book!  Jen encourages her reads to go forth and love well, receiving and sharing God's grace.  

I am so excited for today's release date, so I can actually talk with those around me in my day to day life about taking things #offthebeam, or about forgetting our messes and about opening our homes (and hearts) to others to share in this life with us.  We only get one, so it's really just a shame to waste it away waiting for that one day when we have it all together.

In celebration of For the Love's launch, I will be giving away 2 copies on my FB page, Breaking for Good.  Here are the steps to get into the giveaway.  

1.  Like the Breaking for Good Facebook page (unless you already have).

2.  Share the post with the giveaway.  If you like and/or comment on the giveaway post that will give you one bonus entry.  Names will be drawn at 7:00 tomorrow evening (Texas time :) )

I hope that you enjoy this book as much as I have, and it inspires you just the same.  To visit other blogs of launch team members about the book, you can visit the For the Love blog tour page.

For the Love of Friday

So anyone who knows me, knows that I am over the moon to be in the launch group for Jan Hatmaker's new book, For the Love, Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards.  I have been reading and rereading this book since March, and I cannot get enough of it.  I am so excited that soon it will be in the hands of everyone, so we can talk about it!!!

One of the ladies in the launch group has started a Friday Five post, and this Friday she has chosen to to do top 5 quotes from the book.  Mrs. Disciple has actually opened it up to all the For the Love Launch team to connect our blogs to hers, so we can have one large blog event and get to see everyone's take away from the book.

I wasn't sure I was going to be able to blog today due to my son's birthday party this evening.  He planned quite a night that kept us busy all evening, but now they have retreated upstairs to play Catan, so I am taking a moment to breath and write. :)

It's so hard to just pick 5 quotes.  I have about 5 quotes underlined per page in some chapters.  Thee is just so much goodness here.  It's like picking a favorite ice cream.  Really???  I just like them all.  Ice cream is my favorite ice cream.  That being said I made the painful cuts, and here are my top 5:

1.  "Folks who thrive in God's grace give grace easily, but the self-critical person becomes other-critical."  Guys this is just in the intro.  You haven't even dived into the chapters yet, and she hits you with this one!  I love and hate this at the same time because I constantly swing back and forth on this.  I never cared to look for the cause until I read this.  So much truth.  It opened my eyes to how I am receiving God's grace and how that directly relates to how I give grace to others.  Talk about "aha" moment.

2.  "Balance.  It's like a unicorn: we've heard about it, everyone talks about it, and makes airbrushed T-shirts celebrating it, it seems super rad, but we haven't actually seen one.  I'm beginning to think it isn't a thing."  LOL!!  This one came from Chapter 1: The Worst Beam Ever, and it had me rolling for a little while.  I love how she puts it.  The 80s girl in my could totally visual the unicorn jumping through the air, mane blowing in the breeze with the rainbow in the background.  I am sure I had one of the shirts.  This balance thing we constantly talk about, strive for, and think others have achieved.  It's all imaginary.  As soon as you think you have all your ducks in a row, something falls out of place, and you are starting all over again.  Maybe it's time to start a new goal.

3. "You are smart and able, and getting older is not a tragedy."  This comes from Chapter 6 - Not Buying. In this chapter, Jen talks about how the world is trying to sell us things based on the fact that we need them to make ourselves beautiful, make life easier, or keep us from aging.  The commercials fill our heads with how each product will make our lives better with their product.  It also gets in our kiddos heads.  My own daughter looking at my face the other day said, "Mommy you should get that cream from the commercial.  It will make your skin flawless!"  Nothing like a child's honesty to humble your perspective, but it also shows that this commercial taught her that if mommy's skin isn't perfect (not that I thought it was too bad), it can be made "flawless" with their cream.  Wow.  How did our grandmother's ever survive?   We should celebrate our abilities and not take the easy way out each time.  We should also celebrate aging and getting older.  It is taken so for granted, as this is not a guarantee for anyone.

4.  "Every parent blows it.  Every kid comes unhinged.  Every family goes off the rails.  That doesn't mean we are ruined: it means we are ordinary." This quote from Chapter 9 - Hope for Spicy Families is right on for me and my family. My poor son is the only sweet member of our crazy foursome, and I think we have corrupted him a little bit.  Yelling, losing patience, and fits are a daily struggle, but so is apologizing, cuddling, and saying, "I love you."  Sweet with the spicy means our family is not dysfunctional, we are normal, and the sooner we accept this and stop putting on the perfect front, the sooner we can stop placing guilt on ourselves and just enjoy being who we are, spiciness and all.

5.  "Ironically, the more responsibility people take for their own spiritual development and their neighbor, the healthier they become - also, less resentful of the church, less dependent on the programming, and less reliant on the pastors."  In chapter 22 - Dear church...Jen writes to both areas of the church, the leaders and the congregation.  This quote hit me right between the eyes because truly for most of my life I looked to my pastors for spiritual guidance and growth.  Not to discredit this, as pastors serve as great shepherds, but at some point I need to take some responsibility in my walk with Jesus.  I had never pondered such things before. Taking responsibility for this ended up helping me to feel free instead of burdened.  You mean I can look outside my church for studies?  I can go to the bookstore with no recommendation and find a book that speaks to me spiritually?  Talk about feeling empowered and re-energized.

Like I said, this is really just a sip of what is the fire hose of life changing, laugh inducing, tear jerking goodness that is in the book.  The book released August 18th and is already on the shelves in Barnes and Noble, so For the Love go get it!!!

Run Your Race #FortheLove

A few weeks ago I was checking out the scripture for the upcoming sermon, so I could prep for my children's sermon (when I mean prep, I mean read the scripture, think about it for a week, and still go up to the front of the church with a general idea and hope for lots of grace).  I read the title, Running to Win, and saw that it was based off of 1 Corinthians 9:19-27.

19 Although I’m free from all people, I make myself a slave to all people, to recruit more of them. 20 I act like a Jew to the Jews, so I can recruit Jews. I act like I’m under the Law to those under the Law, so I can recruit those who are under the Law (though I myself am not under the Law). 21 I act like I’m outside the Law to those who are outside the Law, so I can recruit those outside the Law (though I’m not outside the law of God but rather under the law of Christ).22 I act weak to the weak, so I can recruit the weak. I have become all things to all people, so I could save some by all possible means. 23 All the things I do are for the sake of the gospel, so I can be a partner with it.

24 Don’t you know that all the runners in the stadium run, but only one gets the prize? So run to win. 25 Everyone who competes practices self-discipline in everything. The runners do this to get a crown of leaves that shrivel up and die, but we do it to receive a crown that never dies. 26 So now this is how I run—not without a clear goal in sight. I fight like a boxer in the ring, not like someone who is shadowboxing. 27 Rather, I’m landing punches on my own body and subduing it like a slave. I do this to be sure that I myself won’t be disqualified after preaching to others.

When I read this verse it immediately took me to a chapter that I had recently read in Jen Hatmaker's upcoming book, For The Love (available Aug. 18th).  In the chapter Run Your Race, Jen discusses how we are each running our own race, and how we should not only feel encouraged for ourselves, but also cheer along other running beside us.  I decided that God had put that chapter in my life to preach to the kids at our church.

On Sunday I went up to the front of the church again with just the general idea.  Let's be real here,  You can right a script for a children's sermon, but inevitably one of the children is going to start chasing rabbits and throw you off your script, so I prefer to chase rabbits with them instead. :)

I asked them how many of them liked to run, and just about all of them raised their hands.  I told them that when I was a kid, I loved to run too, but now that I am an adult, my body is not quite the same, so I do not enjoy running as much.  I told them when I am asked to sign up for a race, I usually say no since I do not enjoy running.  Then I went on to say if I don't like running does that mean that I can never do races?  I asked them what other kind of races there are.  I got many answers (car, three-legged, bike, motorcycle, pie-eating - we will save that story for...NEVER!).

I told them that just because I don't like to run, doesn't mean that I can't compete in a race ever again.  It just means that I need to find MY race and join in.  I told them that this is kind of like how we serve God and our race to the finish line of life.  Some people are good at singing in the choir or the band, while others enjoy evangelizing.  Some of the them may like to go on mission trips, but some of them may prefer to serve at our church.  I told them that each one of those things is important in bringing people in and closer to Christ.

I asked them what they would do if a friend was in a running race and beating them.  I asked if they would reach their foot out to trip their friend, so they couldn't be ahead?  Many of them shook their head with a horrified look on their face while others giggled.  I said that they were right, we shouldn't do that.  Tripping their friend is going to make them run any faster, and it's only going to create bad feelings.  In that same way, when we see our friends doing well for God, we shouldn't be jealous.  We should be proud of them and cheer them on.  Their race is not our race.

 Plus the race to God is not about who finishes first.  It's about doing the best with the gifts and opportunities God has given you.  At the end, we don't want a 1st place medal.  We just want a seat in Heaven and to hear the words, "Well done." from our Heavenly Father.

My hope for each of you is that you find your gifts, realize your opportunities, and run your race.

Go Get Your Sister

We had an ice week about a month ago where we were stuck at home, schools were closed, and it was really too icy to even venture outside to play.  So there we were all at home...together.  It started off pretty well, and I have to say that I love that my children are getting more independent in keeping entertained.  One thing that I did start to notice though was something that moms have dealt with since the beginning of time.

Me: "Go get your sister and tell her it's time to get ready to eat."

Son: (From the couch yelling upstairs) "Wash your hands, and get ready to eat!"

Me: (in the kitchen rolling my eyes as I could have yelled on my own) "No GO to your sister and tell her to get ready to eat."

This is nothing new.  I remember doing this as a kid, and I am pretty sure my parents did it to their parents.  In fact, I am pretty sure it has been going on since Bible times.  

The word "Go" is used so many times in the Bible.

*GO, tell Pharaoh king of Egypt to let the Israelites GO out of his country. - Exodus 6:11 (NIV)

*GO!  I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. - Luke 10:3 (NIV)

*But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or turn back.  Where you GO I will GO..." 

- Ruth 1:16 (NIV)

*Jesus sent Peter and John, saying, "GO and make preparations for us to eat the Passover." 

- Luke 22:8 (NIV)

*"Therefore GO and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." - Matthew 28:19 (NIV)

The last one hit my core when I was reading the book Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker.  (A great read, but be ready to be changed!)  How easy it is to just think "make disciples" and leave out the "go," just as my children do when I tell them to "Go and tell..."  Go requires action, requires sacrifice, requires commitment.  As frustrated as I got that day, it made me step back and think how frustrated God must be at me!  

"Go and get your sister/brother...

-and invite her/him to church.

-and bring her/him a meal.

-and invite her/him to a bible study.

-and have coffee just to talk.

-and give her/him a hug.

-and tell her/him about Me!

As uncomfortable or inconvenient these may be what about this:

"Go and get your sister/brother...

-and give them them grocery money instead of getting my nails done.

-and hold their hand and look in their eyes as they tell you their story even though you don't know them and you don't know how long it has been since they showered/washed their hands.

-and visit them in the hospital,

-and tell them that you love them and God loves them even when they have messed up and maybe even hurt you in the process.

-and help them out by bringing food to their apartment complex even if it means missing the big game on tv.

How often am I so comfortable to just sit on my computer and invite everyone to come to my church and church events?  I would so rather do that than actually face to face ask them (My introvert is showing!)  Isn't it so much easier to just give to a mission rather than GO and do one?  (Not that giving to missions is bad - both sides are definitely needed).  But just telling and giving aren't enough.  I am so much more likely to follow up on an invitation of someone's of I have been personally invited instead of "group" invited.  I am much more likely to attend an church or event with someone that I see "walk the walk" and not just "talk the talk."

We cannot help people understand the love of Jesus unless we GO show the love of Jesus through our actions.  

"As the body without the spirit is Dead, so faith without deeds is dead." - James 2:26

How many times has God told me to GO and get my sister or brother and do something?  How many times have I just yelled from the couch half-hearted because I was either too lazy to get up or was afraid to get off the comfort of the couch into a zone where I many not be so comfortable?  How many times have a flat out ignored him?  

All I can say is thank goodness for grace and second chances!

I am now making an effort to hear those GO calls and actually get my rear off the comfy couch and do something.  It's not always going to be easy and it definitely won't always be comfortable, but I have a feeling that I will come out ok in the end. :)

Go and get your sister!

I don't want to be awesome #FortheLove

Awesome.  It's become a thing in our culture.  If you google just the word awesome, tons of images and memes pop up, some funny and some quite "interesting" to put it nicely.

Being "awesome" is a running joke in my house as my husband likes to claim it's pretty much woven into his DNA.  My son even has a shirt that just says #awesome, and we searched for one for my husband b/c my son only felt it was appropriate. (We didn't find one though.  His awesomeness will just have to radiate from his inner being instead of from words on his shirt).

Just recently though I received the motivation to stop being "awesome."

As I have posted previously, I was chosen to be on the launch time for Jen Hatmaker's new book, For the Love, which will be released in August.  I have already devoured the book that was sent to me.  I have laughed, been humbled and inspired, and even learned some new recipes!  For those of you who cry, you will probably cry too.  I am just not a crier.

In her first chapter in the book Jen talks about the pressure we put on ourselves to be everything to everyone and be great at everything.   I don't know about you, but this goes straight to my core.  I know that I feel pressure from every which way of my life to volunteer, make things, attend, support, etc.  I feel the need to do all things things asked from others (and from myself), but why?  If I am going to be honest here, sometimes it's because I want others to think that I can do it all, that I am talented, that I have it all together.  In reality, piling up these expectations does the opposite.  I am unfocused, my house turns into a bigger disaster area than it already is (which I am pretty sure is just a physical representation of how my brain looks), and I don't do anything well.  My husband and I have talked many times about when one of use is overstretched about how we feel that we are getting nowhere.  We are doing a bunch of "things" but we feel like we are failing at all of them.

In her book, Jen says, "We need to quit trying to be awesome and instead be wise."

Wise.

When I think of wise, I think of people who are experienced in years, who have been there and done that.  I think of certain long time members in our church, who I look up to.  When I think of them, I think of people who are God-focused.  They have their channels that they are plugged into and passionate about, and they don't have a problem saying no to those things that they know are for other people's gifts.

In another study that I am doing, The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst, she says, "we have to know that God is especially fond of filling the empty spaces.  God is a master at providing just the right thing at just the right timing."

Hello!  Wake up call!!!  I am not meant to be everything to everyone.  I am not meant to fill every volunteer spot.  I don't have to do everything at my house.  I don't even have to be everything to my children.  In doing that I am saying, "God I got this, I don't need to trust you to fill those empty spaces."  Yikes.

How about I just be wise, and instead let God be awesome?

Isn't that the way it is supposed to be?  Shouldn't God be the awesome one, and we can just give Him the glory?

Lesson learned.  Take stock of my commitments, be wise about what I am choosing, stop getting in the way of other people trying to use their gifts, and let God be awesome.

Someone Pinch Me

So while on vacation with my family this spring break, I received some awesome news.  I was checking my email on the very slow (I mean dial up could have beaten it) internet connection in the town we were staying at, and I get an email from For the Love Team.  SQUEAL!!!

Now backtrack a week ago, I was looking at Facebook, and I saw this...

Of course I jump on, apply less than an hour after the original post, then proceed to check Facebook and email a ridiculous amount of times for the rest of the week.  When I hadn't heard anything before we left on vacation, I had convinced myself that they were still sorting through everything, since I had read on Facebook that they had about 5000 applicants and only 500 spots (WOW!).  A little part of me knew my chances were slim and prepared for the worst.  I went on vacation vowing not to be obsessed with checking email, and I did pretty good. I was just checking that night for the first time the whole day, and up the email popped!  

I had to read it twice to make sure I was not just reading what I wanted to read!  It started off with the best message from Jen herself, then went on to explain the details of the launch team.  I seriously have been on cloud 9 since!  If you haven't realized it by now, I am slightly obsessed with Jen (in a healthy, love her perspective and message way, although I am a little starstruck at the thought of seeing her at Women of Faith this year!)  I am currently leading an online study on her book 7, and her other book I read earlier this year, Interrupted, has completely ruined my life for good!

I am honored and a little overwhelmed at the opportunity to be a part of the release of her new book, For the Love.  I still feel like I am dreaming, but it's for real!! While I can't divulge any information yet, be on the lookout for tidbits from the book (I have have only just started, and I am already loving it!) and information on how to pre-order it.  If you keep up with Jen Hatmaker on Facebook or on Jen's blog, you have seen her mention the book For the Love as she has gone through the writing process.  The full title is For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards.  Just the title has me nodding and saying, "Yes!"

While this is a journey that I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be on, here I am!  I can't wait to see what God has in store for me with this one!  Stay tuned....

The 7 Experiment - Week 1 almost done!

I am almost done!  As I sit here and type I am on the last day of my food fast.  I have lived off the $47.25 food budget for the week (minus one molten lava cake).  It has been harder than I though, but also moved me more than I thought.

This first time we did this study about a year ago, I didn't choose to alter my diet in any way.  Instead I felt my excess at that time was brought on by disorganization in my kitchen, so I cleaned out my pantry and fridge.  Helpful - yes.  Sacrifice - not really.  Especially after going through this week.  However that is ok.  It still got me started on the path towards getting rid of excess.  This week has definitely been more of a challenge.  I am a little tired of peanut butter toast (I have had this at least once a day every day this week) and pasta.  I miss my snacks, and while I have been eating every meal, my tummy has been rumbling with hunger a little more than usual.

My husband asked me last night what I had taken away from this week, and I realized that I had really taken away much more than the last time.  I realized that it is hard to eat healthy on the budget I was given.  I was able to purchase some organic soups and pasta sauce, but my portions had to be very controlled and there was nothing left over for snacks.  My heart (and stomach) ached for those who live on this budget week after week.  I also realized that the support provided does not increase equally per person.  So while I was able to get $47.25 for my week, If I were buying for a family of four, it would go down to $39.50 per person.  I realize that buying in bulk makes it easier, but it is still a challenge.  Especially if you have growing kiddos that are big eaters!  It makes me realize how important the food pantry programs are.  Our local programs such as, Frisco Family Services, Fast Pacs, and Love Pacs are all instrumental in making sure that families have the food they need to give their families meals.  

We had a few ice days this past week, and I didn't think about it until yesterday that those kids who receive the Frisco Fast Pacs, which gives them food to have over the weekend, may have been going with very little to eat on Monday and Tuesday.  While some moms were complaining that they were ready for the kids to go back to school because they were driving them crazy, I am sure that some moms were praying their kids could go back to school, so they could have a decent meal to fill their little bellies.  It just broke my heart to think about.  

So this week has resulted in some some hunger, some whining, some thinking, and some prayer.  What am I going to do about it?  I have been a supporter of the Frisco Family Services and Fast Pacs for awhile, but on more of an urgent need basis.  When I get an email that there is low stock or and urgent need for an item, I may run out and get it if the budget allows.  Now I am feeling that there should be a budget for this to give regularly.  I have learned this past week that I really don't need as much food as I buy.  I don't need endless choices that end up resulting in thrown out food at the end of the week.  That money can go towards feeding someone else who may not be able to do so.  Would it be possible to eliminate urgent needs of food pantries if we all just took a few dollars out of our budget every week and gave more regularly?  Food for thought (yes pun intended).

It just so happens that our church is hosting a food drive for Love Pacs this Sunday (March 1st).

 Love Pacs is similar to Fast Pacs in that it provides food for kiddos that may not have it when they are not at school, but Love Pacs provides it for the school breaks (Spring Break, Winter Break, etc.), while Fast Pacs covers the weekends.  If you feel so led to help, you can bring donations up to First Frisco United Methodist Church this week or Sunday morning to help with this effort.  They are in need of the following easy to open/minimal cooking items:

Bread

Peanut Butter

Squeezable Jelly

Bag of cereal or individual boxes of cereal

Pop-top cans of veggies, meat, pasta, or soup

Fruit cups, cans of fruit, applesauce

Small boxes of raisins/dried fruit

Crackers (cheese or peanut butter)

Large box/bag of goldfish, animal crackers. or pretzels

Large bag of trail mix

They also accept the following hygiene items:

Laundry detergent

Toothpaste

Toothbrush

Deodorant
Shampoo
Body wash/soap

This is just a suggestion for a way to help.  I see it as no coincidence for me though.  I feel that this was put in my path this week for a reason.  I pray that you find what God puts in your path for you.  Until next time... :)

P.S. I felt obligated to add a comment on my one "cheat."  It is an annual tradition for my son and me to go to Chili's on a date and have molten lava cake while my husband and daughter go to the local Daddy Daughter dance.  I couldn't pass it up. ;)

I am already hungry

Ok, so it is day 1 of my Food fasting week, and I am already hungry! (And also already whiny.)  For those who are just tuning in, I have started the study, The 7 Experiment; Staging Your Own Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker.  I am hosting the study on the Breaking for Good facebook site, and we just finished the intro and reading week 1.  We each decided how we would go about our food fast, since no two have to be alike.

For some reason poverty in my own community has been on my heart recently.  I have been trying to be more involved with a group called Fast Pacs, which provides food over the weekend to children in the public schools here in Frisco.  It's hard to think that in such an affluent area that we have children, MANY children, who might go all weekend without a meal.  Frisco Fast Pacs literally packs grocery bags with donated food and gives them to the schools to send home with the kiddos on Fridays.  Last year my kiddos and I participated at a pack, and it was awesome to see many people coming together and giving up their time to make sure the kiddos don't have to go hungry.  In the past I have also worked with families that are at or below the poverty line.  Many of them struggling to work, take care of their kiddos, and make ends meet, it would just break my heart.  I realized that even at our "poorest" point, I never had to go through that.  This led me to choose my fast.  I looked up how much the SNAP (food stamps) amount would be for a single person in Texas. The monthly amount was $189.  I divided it by 4 (4 weeks) to get $47.25.  That became my food budget for the week.  I could not buy any more food/drink than that $47.25 would get me.

At first I thought it would be so easy!  It's just me eating, and I can shop smart.  Then I actually started shopping.  Got a couple soups that would each last me two meals, got some jugs of water (b/c yes I am a water snob), got coffee and creamer (b/c that is a staple people!), and went on to get the rest of my items.  What started off as so easy became harder and harder as the shopping trip went on. Keeping up with the prices of everything, and trying to make sure that I had somewhat of a balance with the food, it was making me a little crazy by the end.  I finally finished and rang out with $42.03.  I figured that gave me a dollar or two if I needed it later in the week.

Here was my stash at the end of the shopping trip.

I thought I had done pretty well until I realized...I had no snacks.  Luckily the cereal doubled well as a snack, but not quite the same.  Oh well.  Lunch was a tasty peanut butter and banana sandwich, and afternoon snack was a handful of cereal and an orange.  For dinner I had some of the soup and two pieces of dry toast.  Then I had another piece of bread...because I was still hungry!  That was a running theme today in that I ate, but it was always enough just to take the edge off.  I am used to being basically a glutton when I want, but today I had to walk the line of eating enough to give my body some fuel, but also remembering that this food has to last me all week.  

It was an interesting situation this evening, I was trying to figure out what to have after dinner before the last piece of bread.  Feeling frustrated and a little envious of my children who were chowing down on mango and chicken nuggets with ketchup at the dinner table, I thought of how silly it was.  While I have made this my fast for the week it is not my reality.  If I really wanted to just break down and have something else I could.  Then I thought this is really someone's reality.  Making the food last all week because it they ran out too soon there would b nothing left until the next week.  Having bare pantry and an empty refrigerator.  This overwhelming humbling feeling came over me as I thought of those people.  It gave me a chance to not only say thank you for what I have been blessed with, but also to pray for those who are truly hungry tonight, tomorrow and every night.  Those bellies that are not full.  The mamas who have to hear their kiddos cry about being hungry and not being able to give them anything to eat.  

It doesn't just humble me though it makes me want to spring to action.  What can I do?  What is my part in this?  God how do you want to move through me during this time?  I am already hungry...to hear your call. 

The 7 Experiment Starts tonight!!

I am so excited to start this journey with you!  This will be my first online study to participate in, let alone lead.  I am a little apprehensive, nervous, but mostly just ready to get started!
I came across Jen Hatmaker's study a few years ago at a local Christian bookstore.  I noticed the cover, and I thought this would be a neat book to read, but didn't get it at the time.  It stuck in my head though, and when someone in our Sunday school brought it up as a possible study a little over a year ago, I was all about it.  Once in the midst of it, it wasn't always fun or easy, but I absolutely loved it.
This is a great study to be starting post-New Year/Lent season, as it will cause you to really take inventory of the excess you have in your life and methods to start eliminating that.  I caution though that this study is what you make of it.  If you do this half-hardheartedly and not being honest with yourself, you might get something out of it, but you are cheating yourself  out of the full experience of really freeing yourself from the excess in your life that is weighing you down.  Another caution, as we will discuss our experiences on the FB page weekly, is that no one's experience will be the same.  No one's life is the same, so why should our experience be?  What is easy to give up for one person may be excruciating for someone else.  No judging, of others or yourself.
If you would like to join us for the study, please join the Breaking for Good Facebook group.  Just request an invite to the group, and I will approve it.  The group is closed for many reasons.
1. It provides a more private atmosphere to allow us to express our experiences without it going all over everyone's newsfeed who is not in the group.
2.  It also allows me to remove anyone who is abusing the group or mistreating anyone during discussion.
The study starts tonight at 7:30 with a live chat at the FB page above.  If you can't make it this week, no worries!  Just read the info from the chat tonight and get with us next week.
One more note be sure to buy the The 7 Experiment: staging YOUR OWN mutiny against excess.  This is different from the book Jen wrote about her personal experience.

Thank you and hope to see you there!