Convictions and Childbirth

My convictions do not have to be your convictions.

This was a point in a Priscilla Shirer study, Discerning the Voice of God, that one of my friends hosted this past year.  This point really stuck with me and has proven itself a useful in many instances in my life since then.  It has helped me to realize that my ways and truths are not the same as others.  That does make my thoughts, or others, right or wrong.  Mine are right for me, and others are right for them.

Recently this has been brought to my mind as my brother and sister-in-law had their first child a little over a week ago.  It has been a while since my kiddos were born, and I had forgotten all the preparation and stress that goes along with getting ready to have a baby.  One of the unspoken questions people have is the birth plan for the baby.  Most people probably assume that the mom-to-be will have the baby in the same fashion they did, just because that is what they know.  Assumptions and judgements can be made if the pregnant mom's plans do not match up with the expectations of the asker. Thus begins the start of mommy guilt, and the baby isn't even here yet! :)

Me after having my son almost 11 years ago!  We both look like babies. :)

Me with my daughter almost 8 years ago.

I have generalized childbirth into 3 general areas for this post in the sake of time.  We have the non-medical approach (home birth, birth center, and birth in hospital setting with no drugs), medical approach (hospital setting with epidural and/or other pain relieving drugs, possibly pitocin, etc), and c-section (pretty straight-forward per the name).  I realize that there are other ways of becoming a mommy that are just as amazing (adoption, foster, etc.), but today I am just writing about the 3.

My sister-in-law chose a non-medical approach of having their baby in a birthing center.  This was a new one for me, as she was the first person I had known personally to have their baby this way.  This was a great approach for her though, as that is the method she was familiar and comfortable with.  Hospitals make her uncomfortable,and she really wanted a more home-like environment,so they went with the birth center and a mid-wife.  The day of delivery came, and she soldiered through her labor like a champ, but unfortunately after many hours of pushing, it was determined that the baby was going to need a little more help to come out, so she was transferred to a hospital where they could use a vacuum to bring my nephew into the world.  Not her original plan, but along the way she was able to make choices that fit with her plan for having her son.

Women that choose to have their children in this fashion are rockstars.  They choose the way that the feel is best for them to have their baby.  They choose an environment that they feel is soothing and more home-like.  They choose to go through the pain of labor and child-birth as they feel it is the safest way for them and their babies.  They take time to write out birth plans to the tiniest detail as they dream about the way they want to lovingly welcome their child into their family.  They go to classes to learn about how to navigate the pain and exhaustion while staying focused on the task at hand. They seek out mid-wives who are experienced with this type of birth process to help them along the way. These women are brave and strong in my book.

I had my babies in a hospital setting with both pitocin and an epidural.  Both my kids came early due to pre-term labor, my son at 37 weeks and my daughter at 36 weeks.  I did not really have a birth plan other than I knew I wanted an epidural and to have a baby at the end of the process.  I knew that I didn't want to feel a lot of pain, for fear that I would panic and not stay focused on the process at hand.  I had always been this way, and before I was married, I had even thought of just having one or even adopting to avoid the pain of child-birth.  When the time of delivery came though, I was in the hospital with contractions 4-5 minutes apart (each time).  I got my epidural, they broke my water, and my babies were born soon after.  My births were pretty similar except my daughter needed a little vacuum assistance due to being "sunny side up," and I had a little bleeding issue that was quickly fixed my my doctor after the birth of my son.  I wouldn't change anything about the choices that I made to bring my kiddos into the world, as they were the choices that were right for me and my kiddos.

Women that choose to have their children in a hospital setting with the assistance of medicine, such as epidurals, pitocin, and others, are rockstars too.  The choose they way that they feel is best for them and their baby.  Maybe like me, they know that they do not have the pain tolerance to experience the full on pain of labor and still be effective.  They feel more comfortable in a setting where they and their baby can be monitored by a doctor and nurse throughout the process.  They let someone stick a long needle in their back (definitely not my favorite part), so they can be comfortable enough to endure labor in the best way for them.  These women are brave and strong in my book as well.

My mom had my brother and I via c-section.  Apparently I was too stubborn to cooperate (not too mention that I was already 2 weeks late, sorry mom!), and my mom couldn't dilate past an 2.  She was taken to the operating room to have a c-section.  This was 1980, so it wasn't the same as it is now where the dad can come in and be with the mom.  She had to go through this unplanned experience having her first child by herself.  The second time when she went into labor with my brother, she at least had an idea of what to expect (vbacs were definitely not a thing in 1982), and they were able to pull some strings, and my dad was able to at least be in the room for that one.  I am personally grateful for this type of birth because it is the reason I am here today.

Women that have c-sections (notice I didn't say choose b/c despite all the controversy, I have still yet to meet a mom who chose to have a c-section straight out) are also rockstars.  Some moms go in prepared knowing that they are having a c-section, while others are planning for one method of birth then told they will be doing something different.  Either way these mom's endure surgery, having a doctor cut their bodies open to ensure a safe delivery for their baby.  Not only do these mom's recovery from being pregnant and possibly hours of labor, they also get to recover from surgery all while adjusting to life with a newborn.  While those of us who have been longing to sleep on our stomachs get to do so, moms that have had c-sections are resigned to back sleeping for a few more weeks.  These women are also brave and strong in my book.

There is a common factor among all these methods.  We are all moms who want the best situation for us and our babies.  We are all doing what we feel is the right decision for us.  Another common factor is one mom's method of birth does not diminish or make another method right or wrong for another mom.  Why is it then that we feel the need to elevate one over the other?  That we talk about the risks or why our method is better than the others?  Do we not realize that even without meaning to, we say that you are not a good mom, you did not choose the best way for your child?  Even innocent comments about certain subjects (non-medical approach to birth is outdated, epidurals shouldn't be used just for mom's comfort, she should tough it out, and the overuse of c-sections) can cause hurt feelings and needless guilt.  We each have our journey into motherhood, and we should never make assumptions on other's decisions when we haven't walked the same path.

We should celebrate each other!  Motherhood is hard people.  We don't need to make it harder by making it a competition, especially from the start.  I would rather be in a community of moms that encourage each other despite our methods and possibly learn from each other rather than elevate ourselves by trying to prove other's choices wrong because they aren't the same as ours.  Remember, our convictions, so not need to be the convictions of others.  Maybe we should chose to speak to other moms with love and grace instead of judgement.

Ugh

Ugh.  Everyone has that feeling.  

My first three weeks of summer were spent preparing then helping lead two children's camps at our church.  It was wonderful, fun, and exciting, but still at the end of each day I felt...ugh.

I have been trying to think of something to write for this blog for the past month, but I haven't had quite the inspiration lately.  I have had some lack of connection at my church services which left me feeling unfed and thus unable to produce anything worthwhile.  Ugh.

I am trying to come up with a children's sermon this Sunday.  Our pastor is preaching on the Seven Deadly Sins, and I get to come up with a children's sermon for sloth.  Ugh.  This is my exact text to our children's director.  "I would just like it noted that there is a total on ONE children's sermon online about sloth. :(  And it's terrible.  Ugh."  Ok, so the children's sermon I found wasn't exactly terrible, but I knew it wouldn't work for our service.  Ugh.

I am so tired of feeling Ugh!  As I have sat and pondered, written blog posts then completely erased them, I am coming to the resolution that maybe Ugh is just what I need to need from right now.  Maybe by feeling ugh, I can relate to other people in the same boat.  Others who are just not feeling it where they are in life right now.  Others who are tired from overextending themselves.  Others who are not taking the time to take care of their selves and nurture their soul.  We can band together as one big Ugh and whine for a little bit.  

What I have found as I surround myself in these groups that you can go one of two ways.  You can continue to whine, moan, and just go on feeling ugh.  Or you can whine, then listen to someone else's whine, then encourage each other.  Rise up above the Ugh.  Maybe get to Better, then Ok, then Good!  Well maybe not all in one sitting, but over time.  I know that the best venting sessions I have with friends ends with encouragement.  I leave feeling understood and a little lighter.  I think it's so important for us to talk about these Ugh moments and know we are not alone.  Having community that you can truly relate to and know you share in the ups and the Ughs is so important!

I also know that leaving the Ugh feeling behind takes work, and it takes an intentional decision to change perspective.  Sometimes you say a prayer, grit your teeth and fight through the Ugh.  That's what I am doing right now.  Writing the blog on really nothing, but I am writing.  Putting it out there.  Hopefully inspiration will kick in and some better posts will come along in the next couple weeks.  Looking up sermons and blogs online to fill a void that I am feeling spiritually right now.  Starting this weekend I am making myself get back on a plan for reading the Bible that I started this spring then let go after one week.  

When I look back at some times of Ugh in my life, now I can see where God was working and why those Ugh time helped me to grow and the discomfort caused me to step out and take new steps.  Other times I look at the Ugh times and just see times where I was disconnected, to friends, family, and God.  Either way getting plugged back in with my community and the Bible got me back on track, either reconnecting or growing past the Ugh.

If you are feeling Ugh today, know I feel you, am whining with you, and praying for you.

P.S. I did end up finding a children's sermon inspiration.  Kicked that Ugh to the curb!

Win at Being You

When I first bought the Anomaly cd by Christian Rap/Hip Hop artist Lecrae, I was excited to hear the music, but I was also excited to support a former classmate in his ministry.  Little did I know that that the album would speak to me in that way that it did.  I popped the cd in, and on the first listen I was hooked!  There is a song called Outsiders that immediately grabbed me.  In the space I was in (and still am in), I was struggling with what I am supposed to do in this time and place I am in.  God has put some books and experiences in my path that caused me to rethink what my priorities should be in my walk and my serving.

There is a lyric in the song that says, "I failed at being you, but I'm winning at being me."

There is so much truth in that statement.  How many times do we strive to meet someone else's goals?   Someone else's expectations?  How exhausting is that?  I know I am guilty of this.  Trying to meet the perfection standards set for us by the Facebook pictures of everyone's perfect life, the Pinterest pins of crafts, cakes, meals, school lunches, clothing, etc.  In the midst of trying to be good at everything for fear of not being able to perform/create/parent as well as the next person, we lose who we are and what our purpose is.  We can't do it all and do it well, and to be honest we are miserable doing it (although our smiling FB picture of us doing such things).  Essentially we are failing like the lyric says.  

I can't succeed at being someone else because God made me to be me.  He didn't create a cookie cutter human race with everyone have the same gifts and abilities.  He created each and every one of us to have a specific purpose.  How awesome is that?!?  Out of all the billions of people on this earth, God has a specific purpose for YOU that is not meant for anyone else. 

Trying to live in someone else's shoes may not mean that you are doing something wrong or even not God centered.  For example, there are many ministries and opportunities at my church.  I have served in some capacities because I felt like I should, and not because I felt like I had the gifts or resources to do so.  I was trying to be the person that was meant for that job when it wasn't who I was.  Let's just say it wasn't the most rewarding experiences, and at times I felt that I cheated both the ministry by not being the person they needed and the person who should have been serving by taking their place.  I have also served in capacities that I knew were my gifts and my calling.  Both opportunities are good ones, but not all were really meant for me.

What about when being me, puts me on the outside?  Good news, you are in good company.  Jesus was rejected, gossiped about by the Jewish elders of the time, put on trial and brutally killed for being Him...an outsider.  There are also so many other "outsiders" out there than you realize until you take the step in faith.  They are waiting to embrace you, encourage you, and love you for you.  Does this mean it will be easy.  Um, no.  Going against the grain of society is never easy.  Friends and family may tease you, think you are strange or even leave you altogether.  Guess what though, the Heavenly Father will never do that.  As I get older, I realize more and more that my life is so much easier when I am working to please God rather than please others.  He has also provided as I do these things to be sure that I am encouraged to continue.  Yes distractions come along and I follow them like a dog after a squirrel at times, I am human!  But once I realize it, I turn again back to the arms ready to receive me for me. 

Why waste your time here on this earth trying to be someone your not?  Live out your purpose and win at being you!

Run Your Race #FortheLove

A few weeks ago I was checking out the scripture for the upcoming sermon, so I could prep for my children's sermon (when I mean prep, I mean read the scripture, think about it for a week, and still go up to the front of the church with a general idea and hope for lots of grace).  I read the title, Running to Win, and saw that it was based off of 1 Corinthians 9:19-27.

19 Although I’m free from all people, I make myself a slave to all people, to recruit more of them. 20 I act like a Jew to the Jews, so I can recruit Jews. I act like I’m under the Law to those under the Law, so I can recruit those who are under the Law (though I myself am not under the Law). 21 I act like I’m outside the Law to those who are outside the Law, so I can recruit those outside the Law (though I’m not outside the law of God but rather under the law of Christ).22 I act weak to the weak, so I can recruit the weak. I have become all things to all people, so I could save some by all possible means. 23 All the things I do are for the sake of the gospel, so I can be a partner with it.

24 Don’t you know that all the runners in the stadium run, but only one gets the prize? So run to win. 25 Everyone who competes practices self-discipline in everything. The runners do this to get a crown of leaves that shrivel up and die, but we do it to receive a crown that never dies. 26 So now this is how I run—not without a clear goal in sight. I fight like a boxer in the ring, not like someone who is shadowboxing. 27 Rather, I’m landing punches on my own body and subduing it like a slave. I do this to be sure that I myself won’t be disqualified after preaching to others.

When I read this verse it immediately took me to a chapter that I had recently read in Jen Hatmaker's upcoming book, For The Love (available Aug. 18th).  In the chapter Run Your Race, Jen discusses how we are each running our own race, and how we should not only feel encouraged for ourselves, but also cheer along other running beside us.  I decided that God had put that chapter in my life to preach to the kids at our church.

On Sunday I went up to the front of the church again with just the general idea.  Let's be real here,  You can right a script for a children's sermon, but inevitably one of the children is going to start chasing rabbits and throw you off your script, so I prefer to chase rabbits with them instead. :)

I asked them how many of them liked to run, and just about all of them raised their hands.  I told them that when I was a kid, I loved to run too, but now that I am an adult, my body is not quite the same, so I do not enjoy running as much.  I told them when I am asked to sign up for a race, I usually say no since I do not enjoy running.  Then I went on to say if I don't like running does that mean that I can never do races?  I asked them what other kind of races there are.  I got many answers (car, three-legged, bike, motorcycle, pie-eating - we will save that story for...NEVER!).

I told them that just because I don't like to run, doesn't mean that I can't compete in a race ever again.  It just means that I need to find MY race and join in.  I told them that this is kind of like how we serve God and our race to the finish line of life.  Some people are good at singing in the choir or the band, while others enjoy evangelizing.  Some of the them may like to go on mission trips, but some of them may prefer to serve at our church.  I told them that each one of those things is important in bringing people in and closer to Christ.

I asked them what they would do if a friend was in a running race and beating them.  I asked if they would reach their foot out to trip their friend, so they couldn't be ahead?  Many of them shook their head with a horrified look on their face while others giggled.  I said that they were right, we shouldn't do that.  Tripping their friend is going to make them run any faster, and it's only going to create bad feelings.  In that same way, when we see our friends doing well for God, we shouldn't be jealous.  We should be proud of them and cheer them on.  Their race is not our race.

 Plus the race to God is not about who finishes first.  It's about doing the best with the gifts and opportunities God has given you.  At the end, we don't want a 1st place medal.  We just want a seat in Heaven and to hear the words, "Well done." from our Heavenly Father.

My hope for each of you is that you find your gifts, realize your opportunities, and run your race.

Throwback Thursday about Good Friday

I was looking back through my facebook and found this "note" from Holy Week of 2009.  I know that Holy Week has come and gone, but we are still celebrating the season of Easter. :)

This post was inspired by my son at our Good Friday service.  The simple, innocent, yet brilliant view of a 4 year old child.

April 10, 2009 - It was funny tonight at the Good Friday service, in the choir, we are singing The Weeping Tree cantata, and as we go through the story of Jesus's crucifixion the pastor's are laying the cloth on the cross, putting the cross of thorns at the top of the cross, and the nails. The final piece the pastors put on are rose petals to symbolize the blood of Christ as he died. Before the final song, the congregation was invited to lay stones at the foot of the cross to symbolize laying down our burden and sin. The pastors also invited to to take us rose petal for remembrance if we would like. I happened to get down from the choir loft at the same time as my son and husband were at the cross. We all laid down our stones, and my son picked up a rose petal. Before we split ways back to our seats, my son grabbed my sleeve and said "Mommy, this is love" is a sing-songy voice as he held up the love petal. In his mind I am sure that he saw a flower petal and you give flowers to those you love. It really struck a chord with me though when he said that b/c it hit me that yes, it is love. It was God's love for us shown through his son's blood on that day. I am not normally this in depth with the things I write, and I usually prefer to stay away from stating my opinions on religion or "witnessing" ( I am a former Lutheran, I can't help it! :) ), but I kept thinking about it all the way home, so I thought I would just put it out there, how my son in his simple observation really brought one of the points of Good Friday home for me. Happy Easter!!!

Go Get Your Sister

We had an ice week about a month ago where we were stuck at home, schools were closed, and it was really too icy to even venture outside to play.  So there we were all at home...together.  It started off pretty well, and I have to say that I love that my children are getting more independent in keeping entertained.  One thing that I did start to notice though was something that moms have dealt with since the beginning of time.

Me: "Go get your sister and tell her it's time to get ready to eat."

Son: (From the couch yelling upstairs) "Wash your hands, and get ready to eat!"

Me: (in the kitchen rolling my eyes as I could have yelled on my own) "No GO to your sister and tell her to get ready to eat."

This is nothing new.  I remember doing this as a kid, and I am pretty sure my parents did it to their parents.  In fact, I am pretty sure it has been going on since Bible times.  

The word "Go" is used so many times in the Bible.

*GO, tell Pharaoh king of Egypt to let the Israelites GO out of his country. - Exodus 6:11 (NIV)

*GO!  I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. - Luke 10:3 (NIV)

*But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or turn back.  Where you GO I will GO..." 

- Ruth 1:16 (NIV)

*Jesus sent Peter and John, saying, "GO and make preparations for us to eat the Passover." 

- Luke 22:8 (NIV)

*"Therefore GO and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." - Matthew 28:19 (NIV)

The last one hit my core when I was reading the book Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker.  (A great read, but be ready to be changed!)  How easy it is to just think "make disciples" and leave out the "go," just as my children do when I tell them to "Go and tell..."  Go requires action, requires sacrifice, requires commitment.  As frustrated as I got that day, it made me step back and think how frustrated God must be at me!  

"Go and get your sister/brother...

-and invite her/him to church.

-and bring her/him a meal.

-and invite her/him to a bible study.

-and have coffee just to talk.

-and give her/him a hug.

-and tell her/him about Me!

As uncomfortable or inconvenient these may be what about this:

"Go and get your sister/brother...

-and give them them grocery money instead of getting my nails done.

-and hold their hand and look in their eyes as they tell you their story even though you don't know them and you don't know how long it has been since they showered/washed their hands.

-and visit them in the hospital,

-and tell them that you love them and God loves them even when they have messed up and maybe even hurt you in the process.

-and help them out by bringing food to their apartment complex even if it means missing the big game on tv.

How often am I so comfortable to just sit on my computer and invite everyone to come to my church and church events?  I would so rather do that than actually face to face ask them (My introvert is showing!)  Isn't it so much easier to just give to a mission rather than GO and do one?  (Not that giving to missions is bad - both sides are definitely needed).  But just telling and giving aren't enough.  I am so much more likely to follow up on an invitation of someone's of I have been personally invited instead of "group" invited.  I am much more likely to attend an church or event with someone that I see "walk the walk" and not just "talk the talk."

We cannot help people understand the love of Jesus unless we GO show the love of Jesus through our actions.  

"As the body without the spirit is Dead, so faith without deeds is dead." - James 2:26

How many times has God told me to GO and get my sister or brother and do something?  How many times have I just yelled from the couch half-hearted because I was either too lazy to get up or was afraid to get off the comfort of the couch into a zone where I many not be so comfortable?  How many times have a flat out ignored him?  

All I can say is thank goodness for grace and second chances!

I am now making an effort to hear those GO calls and actually get my rear off the comfy couch and do something.  It's not always going to be easy and it definitely won't always be comfortable, but I have a feeling that I will come out ok in the end. :)

Go and get your sister!

I don't want to be awesome #FortheLove

Awesome.  It's become a thing in our culture.  If you google just the word awesome, tons of images and memes pop up, some funny and some quite "interesting" to put it nicely.

Being "awesome" is a running joke in my house as my husband likes to claim it's pretty much woven into his DNA.  My son even has a shirt that just says #awesome, and we searched for one for my husband b/c my son only felt it was appropriate. (We didn't find one though.  His awesomeness will just have to radiate from his inner being instead of from words on his shirt).

Just recently though I received the motivation to stop being "awesome."

As I have posted previously, I was chosen to be on the launch time for Jen Hatmaker's new book, For the Love, which will be released in August.  I have already devoured the book that was sent to me.  I have laughed, been humbled and inspired, and even learned some new recipes!  For those of you who cry, you will probably cry too.  I am just not a crier.

In her first chapter in the book Jen talks about the pressure we put on ourselves to be everything to everyone and be great at everything.   I don't know about you, but this goes straight to my core.  I know that I feel pressure from every which way of my life to volunteer, make things, attend, support, etc.  I feel the need to do all things things asked from others (and from myself), but why?  If I am going to be honest here, sometimes it's because I want others to think that I can do it all, that I am talented, that I have it all together.  In reality, piling up these expectations does the opposite.  I am unfocused, my house turns into a bigger disaster area than it already is (which I am pretty sure is just a physical representation of how my brain looks), and I don't do anything well.  My husband and I have talked many times about when one of use is overstretched about how we feel that we are getting nowhere.  We are doing a bunch of "things" but we feel like we are failing at all of them.

In her book, Jen says, "We need to quit trying to be awesome and instead be wise."

Wise.

When I think of wise, I think of people who are experienced in years, who have been there and done that.  I think of certain long time members in our church, who I look up to.  When I think of them, I think of people who are God-focused.  They have their channels that they are plugged into and passionate about, and they don't have a problem saying no to those things that they know are for other people's gifts.

In another study that I am doing, The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst, she says, "we have to know that God is especially fond of filling the empty spaces.  God is a master at providing just the right thing at just the right timing."

Hello!  Wake up call!!!  I am not meant to be everything to everyone.  I am not meant to fill every volunteer spot.  I don't have to do everything at my house.  I don't even have to be everything to my children.  In doing that I am saying, "God I got this, I don't need to trust you to fill those empty spaces."  Yikes.

How about I just be wise, and instead let God be awesome?

Isn't that the way it is supposed to be?  Shouldn't God be the awesome one, and we can just give Him the glory?

Lesson learned.  Take stock of my commitments, be wise about what I am choosing, stop getting in the way of other people trying to use their gifts, and let God be awesome.